Modified Dreams... Capítulo Seis... Dream Susana...

This is something to do with my borading house, and a girl who lives in the
women's boarding house... She's Susana...

It is supposed that women can't go in our rooms, but this girl was living at my boarding house with a boy, who wasn't actually at university, in a room near mine...

I saw her several times... and she looked at me kind of scolding me for my feelings about her.. and his pseudo boyfriend also tried to say with his looks that I shouldn't get close to her...

But in the morning I went to have a shower... and she was in her pijamas going to the showers too... I couldn't resist and I gave her a kiss... she said "I Told you not to do it!" and she kissed me back more than my kiss had lasted... then the obvious: her boyfriend came and took her away...

I had the shower anyway.... while I was on this someone threw me cold water over the shower door... I guess it was he...

After that, we were in a contryside road, and this guy was riding a bike, I think he was going home by bike...

And she was saying goodbye to Susana... I faced him for the incident with the cold water and I punched him in the face... he got a bleeding lip... I said sorry but he tried to answer back...

Susana Told him to calm down and he took his way...

I fell on my knees and she hold me in her arms.. "why did yu do that?" she asked... "I don't Know" I answered.. and we kissed each other...

It was extremely weird dreamig of her.. and the dream itself was also too strange...

I think that's why I saw her today and she gave me a smile back...

Pushing Me Away.. What It Means To Me Now...

When I look into your eyes
When I try to see if you remember something

There's nothing there to see
I realise you forgot everthing you promised

Nothing but my own mistakes
Only too much love I gave you

Staring back at me
That you said it was you fear


Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwhind
Everything has finished, but now even the memories are wortheless

Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything dissapears, including those things I swore eternal

I've lied
YOU HAVE LIED

To you
TO ME!!!

This is the last smile
That was the last attempt

That I'll fake for the sake of being with you
I tried to save our love

The sacrifice is never knowing
But you didn't appreciate what I gave up for you


Why I stayed with you
Why did I believed You

Just push away
You Just LIED To me

No matter what you see
Without even considering how I die for YOU

You're still so blind to me
You don't want to realise the truth that you now HATE me



I've tried
I Put an effort

Like you
like you did, But it was too easy for you, so I couldn't

To do everything you wanted to
To be free and live loosely, to cheat on you,

This is the last time
That was the last thing

I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you
That I Blame Myself of your mistakes

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
The bad decision of ignoring the truth... your LIES

The sacrifice is never knowing
That Stupidity is to never realise

Reverse phsycology's failing miserably
Trying to make you confess does not work as I planned

It's so hard to be, left all alone
It's Quite hurtful to be betrayed

Telling you is the only chance for me
I've told you you're my only chance of being happy

Theres nothing left but, to turn and face you
Now I only got to Hate who I had to... YOU!



When I look into your eyes
When I try to see if you remember something

There's nothing there to see
I realise you forgot everthing you promised

Nothing but my own mistakes
Only too much love I gave you

Staring back at me
That you said it was you fear

ASking Why...
And I still Don't understand


Why I stayed with you...
I still don't understand how I fell in your game...

Modified Dreams... Capítulo Cinco... Dream Marlene...

There was a day when I really loved a woman, when i felt everything was going to be perfect, when I thoguht I could marry her someday.

That day is gone now, but there's still a Dream... I was at my aunt's, but she wasn't there. Instead, there were My Bixita and I... She had a baby in her arms.

This baby was quite alike to the girl in the pic... (Mi cousin Marlene) We seemed quite happy, My Bixita was huggging this baby... I took her in my arms and started to play childish with this baby.. I had this idea taht this baby was our daughter, I mean, my Bixita's and mine...

While I played with my daughter I called her Aileen.

So, to sum up I had a daughter with My Bixita and we named her Aileen, I had a work, We were living at my Aunt's and we were happy.

Then my baby did something very common in babies: She threw up on me and started laughing. I had to call work to say I was going to arrive late... my Bixita laughed while I was on the phone.

That Dream was beautiful, I imagined it could become real someday... now all of it is dead... Every Beutiful dream, every charming moment, every sweet kiss, every sublime time we spent toghether... all of that has vanished...

I have my cousin to ease my pain, I have her to give all that I am and all the love that YOU lost because of your mistakes... because of your LIES... Because all that time you kept me betrayed...

Sueños Modificados... Capitulo Cuatro... Falling...

I'm Driving a car, an old red one. I'm driving near a cliff which is only separated from the highway by a weak white protection barrier. Suddenly I crash the barrier and once broken I start falling to the bottom.

I didn't lose control, I feel I crashed it on purpose though I'm not that sure...

As I fall I can feel the speed, this sensation in the belly when you're falling. I'm scared but neither I scream nor feel desperate about falling.

Then I reach the bottom, in slow motion but it is still strong, I can feel the blow, can hear my bones breaking, can feel my skin burned slowly, can see my body wrapped in flames... and still I don't do anything... I'm still waiting till my eyes close definitely.

When finally I can't stand the pain anymore I scream out all my anger.. I don't think it is because of the phisical pain... my burns are inside, my wounds are in my soul's walls...

Then, I guess, I die... everything went black, and blank...

After that, I open my eyes. There's a crowd watching something... they say it was an accident, others say suicide, others say someone fixed it...

I come closer to what they're watching, I see there's an overcast corpse. As I get closer, nobody seems to notice my prescence... I lift the lining...

it's is Me in the floor! I am watching my own dead body...!

I'm staring at me... but this corpse raises its hand and holds mine... "It was Your fault" it says

Then I wake up... I can still hear those Words... "it Was Your fault".. but still I've got the impression that those words are not meant for me...